Hurt
by 8Silent Dreams8
Summary: Youji is having a lot of issues concerning a certain redhead. At some point he can't take it any more and tries to stop all the pain he is feeling.
1. Hurt

A/N: Okay I wanted to try my hand at something other the FF7. And I've been reading a lot of Weiss Kreuz, especially the angsty ones... I'm not good with this kind of genre so tell me what you think.

Warning: Yaoi,attempt suicide, and most likely OOC

Disclaimer: Don't own!

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I can't take it anymore. It's not like he ever cared, so why should I? The problem is, I do, I do care. I care about everything that has to do with him. No one ever notices but I do. I cared when he stopped eating for a week when his sister was taken. I cared when he came down with the flu. It completely tears me apart when he gets hurt, even in the smallest ways. But as I said before, he doesn't care. The only thing on his mind is his sister.

I don't remember when I started doing this. Using my own weapon to draw long thin lines on my flesh, cutting myself deep enough to let me feel some other form of pain then the one I feel when around him.

I watch the blood run down my arms, today I have cut both because today was an exceptionally cruel day for me.

I had just entered the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee; I had been out late the night before drinking. Everyone thought I spent time with women on those nights, but I usually just drank myself to a coma. The bar tender, a really good friend of mine, always brought me home but never farther then the front porch where he would leave me for the others to find. I don't blame him; he only gets a certain amount of time on his breaks. Well as I entered the kitchen I noticed Omi and him in a heated discussion, it took a couple of seconds for them to even notice me, but when they did I sorely wish they hadn't.

He glared at me coldly, even more so then usual. Omi quickly left the room to let what ever was going to happen to happen. It was silent for a few seconds, in which I tried to take the time to settle my stomach down. I felt like I was going to throw up. I've never seen him like this at least not directed at me. This look he gave me he saved for the man who put his sister in the coma.

I tried to smile but it just came out a nervous twitch on my lips.

Right after that he started yelling at me, but not at the same time. He was to good to actually yell at me, which just brought me down that much more.

He told me that I was endangering the team with my outings. He kept on this for a while, the whole time I said nothing just looked at the floor hoping it would swallow me up. But unfortunately after tiring from that topic it seemed he was still pissed and took my lack of reaction as that of my not caring.

Whore he called me, along with other words that I just don't want to remember.

What I did next I will forever, even in death, wish I hadn't done.

I became defensive when he started to talk about my life style, or what he thought it was, and snapped. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was about his sister, something really cold that he didn't deserve. At that moment he punched me, I think I chipped a tooth at that. He didn't let off with just one punch either. I don't know how many times he hit me, but it wasn't until Omi and Ken burst into the room to drag him off of me that I realized what had happened.

I refused any help from Omi and Ken, and didn't look at Aya as I stood up and walked back to my room.

I sat in there for a long time, sitting on the floor leaning against my bed, tears staining my bruised cheeks.

I barely answered the worried calls of Omi and Ken, just saying I would be fine. I ignored the calm knock of Aya completely. Not wanting to talk to him, not blaming him for anything. But I was afraid of what would happen if I did answer.

After some time, I don't know how long, I took out my wire and circled it around both wrists a few times, not even bothering to roll up my sleeves. I stared at it for a few seconds before slowly pulling the wire with my teeth. I felt the stinging pain after the wire cut through the fabric of my shirt. Soon after blood slowly stained my white shirt and dripped down my hands and onto the floor. I don't know how deep I cut myself this time, probably deep enough to do some damage if not kill myself if I didn't do something.

How long I was there, I don't know, but I saw the blackness start to take over my vision. I barely heard the door burst open, but at that point I didn't care. I only had wished they waited until I at least was fully unconscious.

Well it didn't matter too much because I lost consciousness right before hitting the floor.

When I finally woke up I didn't know where I was, I know it wasn't my room. This room was clean, not a thing was out of place. I wonder how long I was out for. A soft reply from somewhere in the room told me I was out for five days.

I recognized the voice and looked over to see Aya sitting on a chair next to the window.

Slowly sitting up I realized I was in his room, I softly asked why I was here instead of a hospital or at least my room. I watched him, taking note the elegance of his features, even the wariness of his form didn't escape my notice.

He didn't answer, instead asked his own question, asking me why I did it. He told me he saw old scares so knew it had been happening for a while. I looked away, I didn't want to answer. What would I say, yeah I did it because you hate me? I could never do that, so I didn't answer, just looked away.

I didn't notice his movement until he sat next to me on the bed. I still refused to look at him. He gently grabbed my hand and asked again. I didn't like the closeness, it made me nervous. But he didn't notice, just sat there waiting for my answer. I yanked my arm away, still not looking at him, and snapped that he didn't care about some stupid whore so there was no point in his asking.

I went into shock, I think, when I felt him wrap his arms around me. He whispered that he did care. My mind went blank as I looked at him. Why was he hugging me? He doesn't care about me. This makes no sense.

It took some time before I slowly pushed him away, I had to know why he was doing this. I asked, and he seemed hesitant before answering me.

What he told me was surprising, he told me that he always cared about me. That next to his sister there was only me in his heart. He told me that he always was jealous when I went to the bar, and came back smelling like the women I was with. He told me all these things and more.

After he was done confessing, I smiled and hugged him. Tears once again where falling down my cheeks as I confessed my feelings to him.

After some time we pulled apart and he stood up. He told me to rest so I could get better, he was going to go grab something for me to eat.

As he left I settled down and thought about me actions of the past few months. Noting that we had a lot of catching up to do…

End

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A/N: Okay I think I rushed the ending... Tell me what you think! Oh and I've never actually watched the series so these characters are based on what little knowledge I have of them from reading Fics. please review!


	2. Hate

A/N: Okay second chapter done! I think I'll go on to Ken and Omi's POV's but I'm not sure... tell me what you think!

Warning: Yaoi, attempt suicide andangst

Disclaimer: Don't own!

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I hate it.

I hate the thought of him going out every night.

I hate the smell of his latest one-night stand left lingering on him and his clothes.

I hate waking up late at night to drag his drunken ass up to his room.

But most of all I hate these feelings I have for him.

I don't know when it started, or even how it started. I hate everything about him, yet I feel strongly about him as well. I don't know if it is love per-say, but I am attracted to him.

It's strange considering that the only person who had my heart for the longest time was my sister. And no, not in an incestuous way, but I loved her with all my heart.

Now he, a man and a player, some how weaseled his way into it. And I hate that I don't hate him for it.

Finally last night was the last straw. That jerk came home late at night, drunk as usual, only this time he had the audacity to try to treat me like one of his many whores. He came onto to me, his slurred words promising things he would never remember the next day. The way he talked to me made me feel like some cheap whore. After getting him to his bed finally I was able to wash my face to try to calm down.

I didn't fall asleep for several hours after that, just tossed and turned in my bed the thoughts of him running through my head.

The next morning I woke up early, I had the morning shift, and went downstairs to the kitchen. Omi of course was already up. I don't think I've ever seen him sleep in except when sick or injured, but even then we had to force him to stay in bed.

It was silent for a few minutes then, I don't know who started it, we started talking about Youji and what we should do about the issues concerning him. The conversation didn't start out to bad but then it kept getting worse and worse. Omi and I clash when it comes to dealing with things. I want to take a direct approach but he wants things subtle.

I won the argument in the end, just as the topic of our debate entered the room.

Nothing was said as Omi left the room, only giving me a single glance showing how he felt about what I was going to do.

I watched Youji for a bit before starting to talk. It's sad I don't remember anything I said to him, all I know is one line. One of which I will probably forever regret. I was getting angrier and angrier by the minute, he didn't react to anything I said, and that was the most annoying thing. It was like he didn't care.

Whore, it came out so suddenly I didn't even realize until he glared up at me and started yelling at me. Nothing he really said hit me until he mentioned my sister. I don't even know what he said, I just knew that the tone he used and the fact that he was yelling at me it was something that was terrible.

I hate myself now but at the time I just became enraged. I remember the first and last hit I gave him, I don't remember anything in between. I only remember the last one because that's when Omi and Ken dragged me away from him.

I stared in horror at what I had done to him, I couldn't believe it. He once again didn't look at me as he slowly stood up, refusing any help, he then left the room and went to his bedroom.

It was several hours since then, Ken, Omi and even I went to check up on him. He said the bear minimum to Ken and Omi, but to me not a word. Never once in that time did he open the door to anyone.

It wasn't until both Ken and Omi couldn't get an answer from him did I think anything was wrong. Pushing passed the two I kicked the door open only to find him laying in his own blood. His wire wrapped around his wrists.

I ran up to him and quickly stopped the bleeding, for then next while there was a blur of movements of all three of us patching Youji up and putting him in my bed. I demanded it, I wanted to be there if… no when he woke up.

Five days now, five days of nothing from him. What would I do if he never woke up? If he doesn't wake up I can't apologize, I can't tell him how I truly feel. If he doesn't wake up soon I think I might go crazy…

Wait…

He's moving, speaking…

Five days, I reply to his question of how long he was out.

I feel relieved, but upset at the same time. I don't want this conversation to happen, but I know it has to.

He sits up and looks at me, I think I can see fear in his eyes. He asks me why he wasn't in a hospital room, I don't answer just ask my own question of why he did it. I had seen the old scars when we cleaned him up and bandaged him, so I knew this wasn't the first time he's done it. I tell him this as well.

He doesn't say anything, just looks away, I don't want him to look away. I walk over to him and sit on the bed while taking his hand in mine. I ask again, I want to know. I have a hunch on why but I have to hear it for myself.

He doesn't answer just snatches his hand away and snaps at me, asking why I should care.

I hate that, I hate it and want to erase that thought from his mind. I don't know why I did it, I didn't even know I was capable of doing it, but I hugged him.

He went stiff at the hug and pushed me away, not violently, just far enough so he could look at me. He wants to know why I'm doing that. I hesitate.

It was now or never, I had to tell him.

I finally admit to my feelings, I told him that I have always cared. I told him that next to my sister was him in my heart, I told him how I became jealous of just the smell of women on him when he came home from bars. I confessed everything.

After I was done, he smiled, I love his smile.

He then hugged me as he confessed to me.

I felt overjoyed but I knew he needed rest to heal up from what happened. I gently pushed him down and told him to rest. I would bring back some food for him.

I walked out of the room not even noticing the smile on both his and my face.

End

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A/N: Okay I had a review saying I should get a beta but I've never had one and don't know what the requirments for them are... so... n.n;; Help? If your willing (and after someone tells me exactly what a beta is and does) I would like to have someone who knows what they are doing to become a beta for me... n.n and you have to understand this isn't the only genre or anime/game I do. Thanks! 


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